Over the winter I decided to do a self-portrait project depicting my struggle with mental health. The more I played with the idea the more I wanted to expand my reach – so I asked the community for volunteers for my project. With the Covid-19 pandemic I am back to shooting solo ….for now. I still plan on completing my project using volunteers but in the meantime I’ll share some of my own self-portraits.
TRIGGER WARNING – SUICIDE
There isn’t a night I don’t pray but over the past year my prayers have changed. I used to pray to God to please let me die in my sleep, to let me get hit by a semi on the way to work in the morning. As the sun starting shining back in my life I prayed I’d get into the psychiatrist in time, that my family wouldn’t be pained because of me. Now I wake up and thank the Lord for another beautiful day. For all of the amazing and positive people in my life. For not answering my prayers before….
The pain of depression. The PHYSICAL pain of depression. It’s not just me complaining of “another” headache. It’s real. The nausea, muscle aches, migraines, chest pain….
I used to think everyone suffered from headaches everyday. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned this wasn’t true. Not only is the mental anguish of depression unbearable but the physical pain can be too.
Self love is something I have always struggled with. Never feeling like quite enough for everyone else somehow was a direct reflection of how I felt inside. It wasn’t until I stopped giving a shit about everyone else that I starting caring for myself. Don’t get me wrong – it’s a work in progress – I am far from loving myself completely. But oh what an amazing and freeing feeling it is.